Martyrs (2008)

Martyrs is a french movie-I think there may be a dubbed version, but I dealt with the subtitles. This one left me in a really weird mood, definitely needed to chase it with a light comedy! I don’t want to give too much away because this movie takes some sharp turns. Lucie is a young girl, chained to a chair, tortured and beaten. She escapes and ends up in an orphanage dealing with the trauma and the guilt of not helping a fellow captive escape. She befriends Anna, also a victim of abuse. 15 years later, Lucie seeks revenge on her torturers and shows up at a house with a shotgun. Was it the right house or was Lucie just crazy? Anna soon learns the truth and relives Lucie’s pain and suffering. Definitely a messed up movie, but worth a watch.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Jack Frost (1997)

Hollie GoFrightly

I remember when this came to the video store I worked at. It had a cool hologram cover and looked too cheesy to pass up. Jack Frost is an aptly named serial killer who gets sprayed with some chemical goo that gives him the ability to turn into ice, water or snow. Full of bad puns and corny one liners worthy of Elvira or Freddy, this is a hilarious Christmas horror flick. Also Shannon Elizabeth’s film debut, although she saved the T&A for American Pie.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

iMurders (2008)

Imurders

Kane Hodder introduced me to this movie. Apparently one of the punks he terrorized in Jason Takes Manhattan wrote/directed iMurders. Harry Manfredini (composer of the soundtrack for the original Friday the 13th and the sequels 2-7 and X) scored this little baby as well. I was definitely struck by the awesome cover art and the stellar casting. I mean Tony Todd (Night of the Living Dead, Candyman, Final Destination) and William Forsythe (Devils Rejects, Rob Zombie’s Halloween) AND Billy Dee Williams?! A fun “of the times” horror movie about a group of people that meet regularly in a chatroom via a networking website similar to myspace/facebook. Each individual has a skeleton or 2 in the closet and one by one each of them is murdered. I’d compare this to a cyber 10 Little Indians. It’s definitely a relevant fear that you never know who you are talking to on the internet. The final reveal was kind of clever. Not really scary but mildly entertaining.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

Hobo With a Shotgun stars Rutger Hauer as a hobo living in a road warrior type environment run by corrupt gangster psychos. All he dreams about is owning a lawnmower. He earns the money by chewing broken glass for an exploitive bumfight video series. At the pawn shop, he crosses paths with a gangster holding up the place. He makes the decision to purchase a shotgun on the wall and MOWS down the gangster with bullets. HA! He makes filmmaker eat his own video tape before going on a vigilante justice spree to rid the town of corrupt scum. This movie has everything and is so over the top. It rocks!

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

The introduction to the film shows the body in the aftermath of a brutal murder and allows the viewer to speculate how horrendous the act must have been. The film is based on the true story of a serial killer with a twisted childhood that turned him into a crazed woman killer. Henry lives with another former convict, Otis, who is equally disturbed but not as cautious. Otis’ sister, Becky, comes to live with them, escaping her own traumatic childhood and abusive husband. Henry is very protective of Becky and is alarmingly “normal” when he’s with her. At night he and Otis perform sick, perverted murders on random victims and bring along a video camera to document the violence. I wouldn’t say this movie is overly graphic, but definitely disturbing, particularly because it is a true story.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Hell Night (1981)

I watched this as part of my Linda Blair-a-thon. This is a classic scooby doo-esque horror movie. Four college students must spend a whole night in a haunted mansion as part of their initiation. Before being locked in for the night, they are told that the previous tenant killed his wife, three deformed children and hanged himself. Allegedly the mansion is still haunted by the fourth child. Throughout the night someone or someTHING keeps trying to scare, but is it really a prank? Who will survive Hell Night? MWAHAHAHHA!

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Happy Birthday to me (1981)

Happy Birthday To Me is a little gem from 1981 starring former House on the Prairie good girl, Melissa Sue Anderson. A killer is on theloose targeting a clique of private school teens. Virginia (Anderson) is having flashbacks to a traumatic event in her past and is doubting her sanity. Could she be responsible for the deaths of her fellow students? This movie has some decent acting, good gore, an interesting plot twist, and some terrible early 80’s music (think Prom Night). Anderson has quite a set of pipes on her earning her way into the ranks of her fellow scream queens.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Trick ‘r Treat (2007)

Trick ‘r Treat is one of the best Halloween movies I’ve seen in forever. After my initial Netflix rental, I went out and bought it. I waited over a year for this movie to be released on DVD since it never ran in theaters. It’s pretty much a Creepshowesque version of A Christmas Carol for Halloween. Through four intertwining storylines we learn about the traditions of Halloween and the consequences of neglecting them. This movie has it all, gore, vampires, werewolves, ghosts. NOT for children.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Zombie Strippers! (2008)

I only rented this because I just met Robert Englund and wanted to stay up to date on his movies. It starts off ok. Englund is hilarious as the obsessive compulsive/germaphobic owner of a strip club. Jenna Jameson, in her attempt to go mainstream after retiring from porn, plays a stripper. She won’t be winning any Oscars here, but the girl can certainly work a pole- pun INTENDED 😉 Jenna gets bit by a zombie and becomes uber zombie stripper. The crowd goes while and the other strippers get jealous. One by one they each turn into zombies and start devouring the clientele in the champagne room. Movie gets rather boring and loses steam towards the end.

Rating: 1 out of 5.

Witchboard (1986)

I remember seeing this as a kid and it scared the hell out of me, so now that I’m all grown up I thought I should try it again. Witchboard stars Tawny Kitaen (the redheaded babe from the Whitesnake videos and Bachelor Party). She and her ex boyfriend Brandon whip out a ouija board when the party gets dull. Tawny gets a bit obsessed and starts using it on her own. Big no no. She manages to piss off and summon some evil spirit who doesn’t seem to like her current boyfriend, Jim. Suddenly people around them are dying vicious, violent deaths and the police are inclined to believe Jim is responsible. He has to start believing in order to save his girlfriend and himself. Solid acting, decent effects. Yup this movie STILL makes me want to avoid ouija boards. I’ll stick to Monopoly.

Rating: 4 out of 5.