Month: February 2021

Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield (2007)

Ed GeinThis isn’t the first movie made about Wisconsin serial killer Ed Gein. You know, the one that killed women and made little outfits out of their skin. I watched it purely out of fan loyalty to Kane Hodder (Friday the 13th 7,8,9, X, Hatchet). It’s great to see him in front of the camera without a mask. Personally, I had a hard time differentiating him from his character. That being said. I think he did a great job. He certainly plays the intimidating brute well. He shares some screen time with Michael Berryman, another horror icon (The Hills Have Eyes, Devils Rejects). As far as historical accuracy goes, I think I preferred the 2000 version called “In the Light of the Moon”

★★

Dorian Gray (2009)

I have never read the book or seen any previous film versions but this one seemed attractive to me. Dorian Gray is a young, unsophisticated man who moves to London to claim his inheritance after his abusive father passes away. He is naive and is easily corrupted by his new friend, Harry. He is envious of Dorian’s youth and introduces him to the finer things in life like scotch, opium dens, and prostitutes. Dorian has his portrait painted and realizes his youth will forever be preserved on the canvass while he faces his own mortality. He makes a proverbial deal with the devil and soon overindulges in sinful behavior, sacrificing his soul and losing his first love. He remains young and beautiful while his portrait decays, revealing Dorian’s true ugliness. Eventually, all his friends age while he remains youthful. Everyone wants to know his secret, but if he tells you, he’ll have to kill you. I really enjoyed this movie. The acting is top notch and there’s a bit of everything, sex, murder, love, betrayal. You sympathize with, envy, and despise Dorian all at once. Its a classic fable with moral undertones. Is it worth selling your soul to be young forever?

★★★

Donkey Punch (2008)

I don’t know what I was expecting with this movie. Not much, and that’s just what it delivered. Firstly, this situation never should have happened. Nothing but trouble when a bunch of drunk, horny, drunk, drugged out teens take a boat out. Oops one of the girls is accidentally killed and now everyone is turning on eachother. Should they call the cops or should they all agree this never happened and move on to the next party? Lame. I think Open Water 2 had a more compelling storyline than this (but less sex and nudity). Skip.

★

Don’t Mess with My Sister! (1985)

I picked up Don’t Mess With My Sister because it came with I Spit On Your Grave (by the same director). The combo was $6.99 at FYE, couldn’t pass that up! I was expecting it to be completely disturbing but not so much. It’s about a man who has an affair with the belly dancer his wife hired for his birthday party. The wife finds out through a nosey friend and then sics her Italian brothers on him. Now the title makes sense ::rolls eyes::: The movie pretty much just ends abruptly after the the husband chases off the brothers with a shotgun. Pretty boring. The cover is misleading in its excitement. Skip it.

★

Devil (2010)

M. Night Shyamalan’s “Devil” is about a detective whose wife and son were killed in a hit and run who. He is sent to investigate the suicide of a person who jumped from a skyscraper. In the same building, a group of people is trapped in an elevator. One by one people start dying. Who’s doing it? Everyone is a possible suspect with a shady past. Very cool movie. with a creepy ending.

★★★

DarkWolf (2003)

I always seem to miss straight to DVD movies. Dark Wolf stars Kane Hodder as a biker guy who transforms into a werewolf on the prowl for his mate and will wreck anything in his way. Cameo by Tippi Hedren (The Birds, Marnie) who knows all about werewolves, but that doesn’t seem to aid in her survival for long. A detective takes the hot babe/female werewolf into hiding to protect her, but her scent lingers on anyone she’s touched and she and her friends are in BIG trouble. There is a really odd, lengthy and unnecessary nude photography session with 2 chicks in body paint. Kane shows up nude at the door looking for his woman (afterall, werewolves shred their clothes when they transform). I found the CGI transformations to be cheesy, but then after spectacular effects like in American Werewolf in London, I suppose I’m spoiled.

★★

Children of the Corn (2009)

Children of the Corn is a remake that is supposedly faithful to the book. Having never read the book, I was happy with the 1984 version. Instead of that guy from Wings and whatsherface from Terminator we have a black girl and a redneck just back from Nam driving across the country. She’s kind of a bitch and nags too much. They end up in the town where there are no adults because the creepy kids have murdered them all. They obey their leader, a Bible spouting kid named Isaac. We still get our ginger minion Malachai who is still pretty dark and evil but no Courtney Gains. There is no happy ending in this version. Only thing I liked about this version was that Isaac was actually played by a kid, which made him that much creepier. Other than that, pass.

★

Buried (2010)

Buried is filmed so simplistically and is so compelling. Ryan Reynolds is a truck driver working Iraq. He wakes up in a coffin with only a lighter and a cell phone. On the other end of the phone is a terrorist demanding money for his release. The movie is a breathless race against time to find a way out. I don’t think I could watch it again as it is so claustrophobic and his struggle is agonizing. Great movie though.

★★★★

Bloodsucking Freaks (1976)

I don’t even know what to think of this movie. Definitely twisted. A freaky bald guy with a creepy beard and a sadistic black little person sidekick puts on “artsy performances” of torture porn. Little does the audience know, he really kills the girls on stage and has an entourage of naked slave girls he has tortured into submission. The ones that can’t be broken are locked in a cell in the basement and fed scraps of what’s left from the stage show. When a popular critic gives a negative review, he kidnaps him and a prima ballerina for his new show. The ballerina’s boyfriend hires a P.I. to find her. When they go to save her, they discover this sick subculture and she is too brainwashed to get out while she can. The movie ends with the crazy slaves girls being released from the basement and mutilating all the men. Final scene before the credits shows them dancing around eating various body parts- I’ll spare you the graphic details but considering the women have reigned over the men I’m sure you can imagine….. Blech. This movie is vile and really turned my stomach.

★

Blood Song (1982)

Blood Song came out in 1982 and is included on a double feature DVD with 1983’s Mausoleum, complete with “grindhouse experience” trailers. Since the only good thing about Mausoleum was the cover art, I am only going to review Blood Song. Donna Wilkes is a familiar face from Jaws 2 and Angel. Here she plays a young handicapped girl that receives a blood transfusion from Frankie Avalon, who just escaped from a mental institution. After serenading his victims with the world’s most obnoxious instrument, the recorder, he hacks them up with a hatchet. Some nice over the top psychotic behavior from Avalon- definitely a far cry from Beach Blanket Bingo!

★